Even though I do love my life, I feel like *I* got left somewhere along the road. I’ve loved my husband with every fiber in my being since I was just a little girl — I thought I wanted to be an adult… I thought I was ready for that kind of responsibility, but how could I possibly be ready ascertain such a thing when I couldn’t yet even drive a car?! I compromised myself… because things I naively thought made sense or at least made us even didn’t make sense and only made me feel like little pieces of me had been chipped away.
There were 13 months from the day I got my driver’s license to the day I became a mother. 29 months from my sweet 16 until I became my husband’s wife. Before I even turned 20, I was married with three kids. I have been everything to everyone else since I was just a kid. I feel like there has never really been any room left in my world for ME. I am 30 years old and I’m all given out. I just want to shed my skin and reveal myself but I’m scared of being exposed — of feeling emotionally naked and misunderstood. I’m afraid that the people I hold dear won’t get that my need to know ME — my need to BE ME — has nothing to do with them or their place in my life. My outer world hasn’t changed any. I still love my personal atmosphere. I just can’t spend any more of my life trying to consider who I am to all of them because it’s time for me to figure out who I am as a person. Just as me. I want to be in this same environment without the box. That’s it.
Now what? I just needed to get it all out of my head… and as usual, Alicia has put my heart into lyrics to perfection: