This week has been a bit overwhelming. Barry normally works 4 weeks in the ocean and then gets 4 weeks at home. This time, he worked 4 weeks and came home for one week. Went back to work for one week and came home for two weeks. Our time was broken up into pieces with an entire week taken away… Naturally, you can understand why him leaving was a bit suckier than usual, but then we got hit with a snow storm… in Atlanta… for the SECOND time in two weeks. He was supposed to leave on Wednesday, but the weather prevented him from leaving. We tried making it to the airport, but the truck was sliding in the ice and it took us over an hour to travel what would normally take about 20 minutes. It makes it especially tough to see him go back to work when I have to have our “goodbye” moment more than once. He ended up flying out yesterday evening and I woke up this morning wishing he was still stuck here in a storm with me on Valentine’s Day.
I hear couples say crazy things sometimes… no matter where you look, you get the message that marriage means your life is over. You get the message that people who have been married for a long time are miserable, trapped, and without passion. You get the message that people are replaceable and that when times get tough, it’s okay to just give up. I’ll never understand those messages. This is the 17th year I’ve been with my husband and while marriage is never perfect and the road gets rough here and there, the almost 13 years that I’ve been married to him — during which we’ve gone through just about everything two people can face together — have been years I would never dream of taking back. I’ll never understand how anyone forgets the love they share or how they allow the passion to die. I will never understand how they lose the beauty of an unending union or find misery in sharing their lives with someone. Our relationship has been hard and amazing. It’s been peppered with conflicts and challenges but it’s been outstanding and there is nothing more precious than the bond that I have with this man.
I’ll never understand the concept of growing out of love… of losing an unconditional trust… of walking away from my forever person. It makes no sense to me to hear the jokes on so many TV shows about how married women nag and married men can’t stand being around their wives. It boggles my mind when people suggest that married couples don’t make love as often or that life satisfaction declines after a few years of marriage. I’m left asking myself where people are going wrong if that is their reality because I can’t imagine how society’s idea of marriage could be so different than what I know marriage to be. I get that each person — each couple — is different. But I have a hard time understanding how the basic promise of love can be experienced so differently. I grow more enthusiastic about my life with my husband every year — every month — every week — every day.
Barry, I don’t know what, where, or who I would be without you. You’ve carried me when I was weak, encouraged me when I was down, supported me when I felt unsteady, loved me when I didn’t deserve it, saw me when I felt invisible… You’ve been my knight in shining armor, protecting my heart and giving me more to be thankful for with each cherished moment. From the time we met as just high school kids, you’ve been every man I’ve ever needed in my world. When I need comfort, you are my best friend. When I need guidance, you’re my daddy When I need closeness, you’re my lover. When I need to hear the painful truth, you are my brother. But at the end of the day, no matter what I’ve needed from you, you are my husband… strong, sexy, confident. My rock.
I still get excited when you enter the room. I’m still attracted to your voice, your mind, your body, your soul… your heart. You still make me feel safe and secure and you still fill my heart with more love and more joy than I ever thought possible. I’ll never be able to put into words how I feel for you or what you mean to me but I imagine you can feel it in every stare… in every touch… in every moment than we share. I love you and I pray that your Valentine’s Day is blessed. I’m counting down the days until you’re physically beside me again, but until then your love is present with me always :)