Gracious sakes alive. I’ve been on autopilot for the last week apparently. It seems like I just did my last Mamavation update yesterday. Imagine my surprise when I realized I actually have to do another one. Today. Like, in the next 18 minutes if I want to publish it on Monday lol Geez.
I had some “off” days over the last week. It’s been highly stressful with the kids having their doctor, dentist, and eye appointments before school, finishing up shopping for supplies and clothes with all the kids in tow since Barry left to go back offshore to work last Wednesday and it’s all taken a toll on me. Between the lack of sufficient sleep, not getting enough nutrition (I don’t even want to admit how many times I’ve downright FORGOTTEN to eat), missing boot camp Monday AND Wednesday of last week, and the weather changing over the weekend I found myself figuring out just how quickly Fibromyalgia will start to dominate my life again if I don’t get back on track taking care of my health.
Saturday I woke up and I was HURTING. I had actually been feeling it creeping up on me over the prior week but I had seriously been in denial. I wanted to believe it was just soreness from working out — that the headaches were just because I was hungry. But when I woke up Saturday and could barely function through a full-on Fibromyalgia flare up, I was freaking out knowing that Tre’s scrimmage was that morning but even more than worrying about how I was going to get through his game, I was SO frustrated that after nearly two full months of being virtually pain-free, I was suffering again. I posted this to Facebook:
I’m so tired of having to manage/hide/ignore/push through pain…. too much to do in my life to have to deal with this all the time. After almost 2 months pain-free, I was really hoping my comfort would be permanent as long as I stayed active/ate right, etc… I guess I’m not that lucky. My back has a tight spot right in the middle — today’s football game should be fun. :/ #tears
I realized that I have been fooling myself into believing that I was “cured” just because I’ve made lifestyle changes that cause my symptoms to be few and far between. It’s amazing how accustomed to the pain and fatigue that I had been before — and how accustomed I’ve gotten to the relief from those things now because even though what I experienced Saturday morning was what I had been experiencing for nearly two decades, I was devastated. That makes me even more gung-ho about boot camp, maintaining an active, healthy lifestyle… eating right and sleeping with a regular pattern. These things are important for everyone, of course, but especially to me if I want to continue to fight the possibility of ever becoming a slave to chronic illness again. I know that there will be days that I experience flare-ups, but I’ll do everything I can to curb them now that I know how.
I definitely am pushing myself but I think I need to also be just as much aware of my body’s limitations as I am aware of how far I want it to go… I’m loving everything about my life which is a far cry from how I felt about life in the Spring of this year. My trainer and our workout group, even as people come and go, have had a major impact on every aspect of my life because I don’t do things AWAY from boot camp that are going to counter my progress while I’m AT boot camp. I know that every decision I make regarding my health will be reflected in my performance at assessments every month! lol I have a really competitive nature! Not only do I want to do better than the next person but I want to also do better than *I* did before haha
However, now I’ve got this fear in the back of my head that if I don’t find the proper balance in everything I’m going to be sorry. Fibromyalgia sucks and I don’t want to get accustomed to that monster again. I need to stop MAKING myself go the extra mile when I know I haven’t had enough sleep… or enough to eat… or enough water. But then on the other hand, I tell myself that I need to make SURE that I’m getting enough sleep… and enough to eat… and enough water so that I CAN push myself to go the extra mile. I’m rambling now. lol I’m going to wrap it up for now and just say that I appreciate the opportunity to improve my quality of life and I count it a blessing that The Body Firm of Atlanta fell into my path when it did. I’m not going to follow that with any “buts” or negate that statement in any way. The last three months have blessed me in so many ways and while I know my body likely won’t ever be “normal” I can at least EXPECT it to be close a majority of the time — because it has been for the last 14 weeks.
On the brighter side of things, I’ve lost a total of 20.8 pounds since I started my weight loss journey and I’m now weighing in just 18.2 pounds over my goal weight!
Leah and the ladies of Mamavation are AMAZING but for me, I need people in my face to really push me to reach my goals. The combination of Mamavation and my boot camp sessions have been a godsend. Hopefully next week’s update will have NOTHING about Fibromyalgia. It’s been great to not have to mention it for so long ;) I’ll catch y’all again in a few days!!