Barry and I finally made our decision regarding more kids. Granted, we have 5 and most people are in awe of that but there is so much more to think about on our end… I’m only 28 and by the time our youngest is in middle school and our oldest is heading off to college, I will only be 35 years old. Now that we are finally financially stable, doing well, have a large home, and I don’t work outside the home, I would have loved to experience the JOYS of having a child rather than the stresses and struggles. Don’t get me wrong, we were always overjoyed to welcome our babies into the world, but that didn’t detract from the difficulties we almost always faced, with the exception of the NFL years.
As everyone already knows, we have been together since high school and were teen parents (our oldest three were born before I even turned 20) and now that we would be able to be a little frivolous and do everything we weren’t able to do with any of the other kids, it’s a sad time for me to realize that we now have to wrap it up :( Barry, being the amazingly, mind-blowingly wonderful husband that he is, pretty much left the decision all up to me because he’s like that — he loves kids and if I wanted ten more, he’d be totally fine with it if that’s what made me happy. Okay, so maybe not ten more, but you know what I mean. With my Fibromyalgia getting worse and our kids getting older, I decided that I can’t risk either not being able to physically keep up with another baby in a few years or having a child and then ending up having grandkids shortly thereafter.
My headaches, fatigue, pain… the Fibromyalgia symptoms are all getting to where it’s often unbearable and I don’t want to be so cruel as to have a child that will watch mommy suffer rather than be able to play. I’ve been blessed to, for the most part, be extremely active with the kids we have now and I don’t want different memories with any subsequent children so I think it’s best to let Zoe perpetually be the youngest — the last of the Robertson “nation.”
We’ve been trying to figure out whether he should have a vasectomy or not since Zoe was born 3.5 years ago and although it makes me sad, the time has come. He’s having the procedure done next month while he’s home… and since he knows how difficult this decision is for me personally, I thank and appreciate him for giving me free range to blog about it since it is such a personal topic for him… because he understands how difficult it is for me and that I need the support of my community here. *tear*
The photo you see here will forever be the last day I carried a baby… the last baby that would ever call me, “Mommy!” for the first time. It’s bittersweet, but I know it’s the right decision to make :) And on the bright side, when our children are all out of the house I will be barely into my 40′s and Barry and I will have the whole rest of our lives to enjoy one another since we gave up our adolescence to raise our children — and I’m sure we’ll have the company of what will probably end up as at least ten grandchildren as well!
It’s such a hard thing to decide. I’m facing the same decision now…Do I want to have just one more or do I want to call it a day and just enjoy watching my two girls grow up and start to do the things we’ve had to wait until they were older to do – vacations, traditions, etc? I think we’re just about at the decision-making point, but it’s SO hard to say NEVER again.
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Yeah I was actually perfectly fine saying, “We’re done…” before. I guess it’s the finality of it now that’s setting in. Like you said, it’s SOOOO rough actually making it to where it is absolutely NEVER again.
I’m not sure how much you follow… but I made this decision after I got pregnant with Jemma. My body can’t take any more babies. I want to enjoy them not be stressed about my body or in pain more than I already am. It was the right decision for me and one that I, amazingly, don’t regret in the least. Mike has 6 kids and he would have let me have more I am sure. But, my three are enough. I have all the love in the world for babies but my three get to have it all because I just can’t do it again.
If you know, then you know. I am glad you are okay with your decision because it isn’t an easy one to make. But, I agree that you are doing what is best for you and your family. Hugs to you Kat!
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Thanks, Stefany… Barry has seven total as you know… we have five together and I mean, I TOTALLY get that we have a LOT of kids, I just keep thinking about how young we still are and the experiences we DIDN’T get to have (like actually planning for a baby and trying to get pregnant and being more EXCITED about it than shocked. You know what I mean? *sigh* I suppose I will live vicariously through my kiddos as they start exploring the journey toward parenthood with their spouses down the line… lol
It’s a tough decision, isn’t it? We made that decision as well after our 5th was born. Luckily, I felt a deep sense of peace about it. I had all five of my kids between 22 and 30, and I’ll be 40 the year that my oldest starts college. It’s crazy! I wish you luck in finding your peace about the decision. Even when you know it’s right, it’s stil tough to realize you’ll never be pregnant, hold your newborn, nurse, etc again.
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We had all five of our kids within 8 years also, but we started when I was 17 and ended when I was 25. It’s definitely been a crazy ride… and while I can’t say I’m totally at peace with it just yet, I do know that this is the best decision — the only decision, really, when you consider everything. And I’m sure that I’ll have those pangs of regret here and there, but who said decisions would ever be easy just because they’re the “right” decision to make? ;)
You know what’s right for you. You have a lovely family – enjoy them. Hugs to you.
(Meanwhile, I’m 33 with a 3-yr old and terrified just to have #2! Maybe you can give me some pointers.)
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One of my friends joked the other day, telling me that I should write a book called, “How to parent 5 children without medication.” LOL ;) … and for the record, technically we didn’t *mean* to have any of the ones we have. They were all complete surprises. So, perhaps that’s the same way you’ll get your #2!
Wow thats something that as I am getting older and my daughter is getting older that I have been thinking about. A little different in the fact that I am single and never been married. I am like okay I am 33 soon to be 34 ( two months to go). My daughter is 11. Do I just give up my dream of having more than one child and having a child were I can financially afford and enjoy the motherhood like i want to??? But I figure I got a few good years left. Hopefully Mr. Right will come along and I can be called momma for the first time just one more time. :)
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Aww Aimee, 33 is the new 25 girl! You still have plenty of time to find your Do-Right man and make your daughter a big sister. My prayers and hopes and well wishes are with you, sister! I am sure you’ll be called momma for the first time again one day!
Bless your heart, what a hard decision that would be, especially at only 28. You have a beautiful family. :-) I have 6 kids. I got married at 22, had my first at 23, and had all 6 of mine back to back. My oldest is now 9, and my youngest is 4. I have several friends with fibromyalgia though, and I hear of it’s horrid pain. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have babies through all that pain. Bless you and your beautiful family. It must be hard having to say NO more.
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Wooooow! Now, I had 5 within 8 years and I thought we were busy! haha Everyone says that’s the best way to have children — get them out of the way and then they can grow up together :) And I read on your blog that you homeschool. God bless your soul… I actually tried but it wasn’t a good fit for us.
It’s tough to say NO MORE, but it’s necessary. Fibromyalgia sucks! It’s been the source of many tears here lately. I’ve been dealing with it since I was 9 — almost 2 decades — but it’s never been this bad and I stay so frustrated about it. Thank you so much for your kind words and support *hugs* I really appreciate it.
Kat,
I have step-kids, but I would so much love to be called “mommy” just once! I will have to wait and see what God has in store for us in that area:-) I love to read about you and other moms out there who are being wonderful mothers. I’m so glad that you have been blessed with a wonderful husband and children. I pray that there is a cure for fibro soon and that you will be blessed with a pain-free life.
This must have been such a hard decsion because it wasn’t just “should we or shouldn’t we”. You had so much to think about. I think it was a truly self-less decision bc you were thinking of not just a another sweet baby, but about how your health issues might affect the baby. I think you made the right decision. God Bless you, Kat!
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Thanks Steph… God has definitely blessed us more than we deserve already. I can’t complain. You have such a sweet and genuine spirit — I know that when the time comes, your children are going to be proud and feeling full of favor being able to call you mommy! I appreciate your comment more than you know. *hugs*
Thanks, Kat! I needed to hear that right now:-)
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I have fibromyalgia too and knowing the pain I have now, I’m glad I don’t have more kids. My children are 18, and 16 and I am a grandmother. So being 37 and having a grandkid was not my idea of fun, but at least I’ll be young enough and have hopefully enough energy to enjoy my grandson. Hugs to you and yours.
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I remember wrestling with this decision when I was twenty-eight. We had just had our third and, although we always wanted four, we were also raising Tony’s seven siblings. With ten children depending on us, we really felt we had no choice in this choice, and I got my tubes tied (which, BTW, I would NEVER suggest to another woman – google PTLS). I mourned the loss of our fourth. I knew he would have been a boy and we already knew his name. The finality was overwhelming, I remember that so vividly.
At thirty-five, and with his siblings growing up and moving out, we made another decision…a tubal reversal! It turns out the finality wasn’t so final afterall, and we conceived our fourth child within two months of the procedure. Just as I always knew, he was a boy, and his name was still waiting for him – D’Angelo (D’Lo if you read my blog). We decided on a fifth child, another boy, because of the eight years between D’Lo and our third child, DeeDee. We welcomed AD on my 38th birthday, July 4th! He just turned two and I turned forty.
We are done now, lol. This time he got HIS “tubes tied”. I think five is a GREAT number! I also think you have a very realistic and logical grasp on your decision…although that doesn’t do much to comfort the heart and womb, I know. I pray you peace, Sis.
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