Yesterday, I wrote about the fact that I don’t feel children need privacy. {<— click the link to read it} Privacy and freedom are great tools that allow young adults to develop independence and responsibility, but you know what? When provided prematurely, they put a child’s safety in danger… and in all honesty, my children are extremely independent and responsible despite me rarely ever giving them their space.
Tonight, I stumbled upon an article about a three year old girl who was riding her bike as far as the end of the street without any supervision and somehow ended up on the ladder of a neighbor’s backyard pool. The neighbor grabbed the child, took her inside, suffocated her with a plastic bag which he then stuffed her body into and dumped into a drain before going back home, disassembling her bike, bagging it up, and dumping it as well.
Why?
This is always the burning question when avoidable tragedy strikes but when it boils down to the basics, no matter what answer there is, it never changes anything. Knowing why someone did what they did still can’t make sense of such senseless acts such as abuse, molestation, or murder. The assailant told police that it seemed to take an hour for her to die. An hour. This man isn’t alone. There are many other men and women just as sick and twisted who will carry out heinous crimes like this without any cause or provocation.
When I shared the story on Facebook, I received a message in my inbox from a friend who wanted to share with me about a member of her family who was sexually abused at the age of four by a man her mother was dating — an upstanding member of society, a fireman. The child’s mother allowed her to spend the night at his house with his daughter and she was taken advantage of. These facts didn’t surface for 8 years until he was found to have done the same to another child. We personally had a very close member of our own family experience nearly two years of molestation which finally all came out a few months ago.
The last thing I would want to do is throw salt on such a gaping wound. I have no idea what it’s like to lose a child or cope with knowing your child’s innocence has been lost and God willing, I pray I never do. I look at my daughters, ages 3, 6, 8, and 11 and my ten year old son and I clutch my chest just thinking about never seeing one of their faces again. That fear — the emotional torment just the thought of something happening to one of my children brings to me — is what makes me proactive and cautious in the decisions I make regarding their whereabouts and the company they are allowed to keep.I’m not going to try to get into the mind of a killer. I don’t know how anyone could hurt an innocent child. No matter how much analyzing I could do, my mind could never wrap itself around the concept of purposely inflicting harm on another person, especially a defenseless child. What I can do, however, is put myself in the shoes of the parents — because I am one.
What many parents seem to not realize is that we’re not living in the same communities as our parents or grandparents did. It’s much different now than it was even 20 years ago when I was a child. You can’t afford to put your child at risk by being the parent of a “free-range kid.” Children don’t need privacy or freedom. They need supervision and protection. This is a cruel, wicked world we are living in and I will literally be damned if I let it make a victim out of any of my babies. There are dangers at every turn… you have murderers, rapists… and you can’t even trust your kids around kids anymore, as proven by the 1993 brutal slaying of a two year old boy by two ten year old boys in Britain.
It’s time that parents begin accepting responsibility for their children.
You can’t trust your children — not a 3 year old, not a 12 year old, not a 17 year old — to make good decisions without guidance or to protect themselves from things they are ignorant of. Children, no matter what their age, do not have the experience or wisdom to know what is best for themselves. That’s our job as parents… unfortunately, far too often, those responsibilities are left to children. A three year old wandering around even the BEST neighborhood without complete and close supervision is completely unacceptable. When you’re out with your toddler, don’t take your eyes or your hands off of them. Don’t let your children sleep over or visit in anyone’s home that you don’t absolutely know you can trust with their lives — and with their innocence. Once either of those things are gone, there is no getting them back.
#NaBloPoMo:
For the entire month of November, I’m participating in National Blog Posting Month. Read more —>
I tell you what…I have to agree with you. Sadly, I don’t seem to come across too many parents that feel the same way. It causes some difficulty when the kids come home saying so-and-so gets to do this or that or whatever. I shrug it off…then later they see or hear something that has happened and they understand why we do what we do. I have anxiety disorder so I am always checking myself to make sure I’m not being overly protective or worrying too much. But I want to know where my kids are all the time. We have a 16yo, 13yo & 8yo. They have missed out on things with “friends” because we didn’t know the kids. They survived, too. :)
Over the summer our 13yo wanted to go hang out at a park with a couple of her girlfriends (that we do know) and a boy (that we hadn’t met). We said no. We didn’t feel like a group of 13 year old’s hanging out at a park was safe, regardless of the fact that there would be a boy there we didn’t know. ;)
We have allowed her to go to the movies with a girlfriend alone. We know the other girl’s parents and one of us takes them and the other picks them up. So they’re only at the theater alone during the movie. They aren’t out wandering around the shopping center before or after.
We need to give them “space” and independence but we have to be smart about it. My stepdaughter’s mother says she parents by letting her kids learn from their mistakes. Well, that’s OK to a point. There has to be rules, guidance and boundaries, though. You don’t let your teenage daughter learn that there are disgusting perverts out there by allowing complete and open access to the internet and hope she “learns from her mistake”.
It’s disappointing to realize how many parents truly don’t care… then they act completely shocked when tragedy strikes. That’s what happens when you don’t protect your children. I’m thoroughly convinced that the world means them harm.
With lots of regrets, I agree too. Having 3 children gives me the opportunity to communicate with different types of people and I must say that what I observe is not good! People are irresponsible and what’s worse they give this to their poor children:(
Read Anna´s last post ..Is wisdom tooth removal an option for me as an adult?
I know, it turns into a vicious cycle as children grow up into adults and become parents who believe that the way they were raised was the way they should also raise their own children!
Over the past two years in our area there have been multiple sightings of cars following kids to the bus stop. Last year there was a man posing as a referee hanging out at the soccer fields. This, in a seemingly quiet suburb. You can never be too cautious. Never.
Read Jessica @FoundtheMarbles´s last post ..Defying the Odds and Inspiring Others
That’s so scary… just imagine how much things like that go on every day without anyone noticing!