Today has been quite a day… well, technically yesterday since it’s now after midnight. So much is on my mind, but I doubt it will make it to this article. It’s still pretty jumbled up there and articulating it all is probably going to be for another day. Or not. Barry leaves to go back offshore on Monday. I miss him already…
Good news — the child support case we’ve been encouraging for, like, EVER is finally in the works. Finding that out was one of the best high points we’ve experienced in a long time. Yes, seriously. After years and years of arguing and pleading and begging and frustration and paying and paying and paying and being told nothing is ever enough, the court can finally decide everything regarding Barry’s sons. It’s not fair for him to be home two weeks at a time and the whole time he’s having to deal with drama. This cuts all that out completely!
Tiara has been living with us for a full three weeks now and she’s doing fabulous ;) She and Bri fight like TWINS but they love each other and I suppose that’s all that matters. For those who are lost and have no idea who Tiara is, click here :) lol It took her a while to get used to the chores, but other than that it’s been pretty smooth sailing. I sometimes feel guilty because I feel like Bri thinks I’m being more sensitive to Tiara than to her, but I’ve talked to both of them at length about all the adjustments they’re experiencing and I hope I’ve done a good job at communicating how important it is that we work together and not be in competition for affection. I’m only one person, but I do my best to be intuitive and “juggle” both of their feelings when necessary.
Kylan and Kaleb finally got to come see us. All the kids spent most of the day in the pool while Barry rode his motorcycle. Kaleb came in after I cooked dinner and said he wanted to see his daddy so Barry came home and took Talia, Kylan, Kaleb, and Avalyn with him to pick Tre up from our cousin, Mareo’s, house a couple of hours ago and I think they got lost in the video games because they haven’t returned. Zoe has been asleep for several hours already (she fell asleep on Kylan earlier while they were watching a movie and big brother put her to bed … awwww!) Tiara and Briyana are watching The Mask and I’m taking a few-minute break from cleaning/laundry to update my blog.
Family is absolutely the most important thing to me. My husband completes me in a way only God could have orchestrated and emotions overwhelm me every time I think about how blessed I am to have him. Even when they’re driving me nuts, I love being around my kids. I love raising them, nurturing them, teaching them, and impacting their lives… and not just my kids, but my step sons as well as Tiara. I hope when the boys are older and mature enough to understand the more complex side of our family that they are able to be confident in knowing they were always loved. That’s something I worry about.
I always wonder if they feel like the rest of the kids are more important than they are or if they are loved differently. It breaks my heart to even consider the things they may have been told about us up to this point… it bothers me that they haven’t always been able to have such an open relationship with Barry, but I’m thankful that it’s going to continue to turn around and that they will continue to grow closer. It’s my prayer than eventually all of this lost time won’t even matter.
I love these kids. God knows I do. I watch them play together and my soul bleeds, wishing things had been different from the start… but knowing that it all happened the way it did for a reason, and knowing it will keep getting better. These seven children are our legacy and regardless of whether or not Kylan and Kaleb are “mine,” when I married Barry, they became “our” kids and I will always do my best to make sure they know they are not an extension of this family; they are not outsiders; they aren’t temporary. They are an integral part of this family, as every one of our kids are and they have been from the very first day I married their father even though they haven’t been able to physically be here.
Nothing means more to me at this stage in my life than being “mommy” — to my kids, to my husband’s kids when they are here, and to Tiara as long as she’s with us. I want the best for all of them and will do everything I can to make sure I motivate them to be the best they can be in every capacity. My family is my life, and it’s just really on my heart these days because I see so many lives being lost, so many tragedies… and if I don’t take another breath after my next, I want to have left them knowing that they were all equally my world.
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