The Importance of Family

So now that the day is waning and the evening has brought about reflection, my opposition and aggravation has begun to transform itself into feelings of desperation and confusion… sadness. The passions that drive each of us are different. My life revolves around my family — the most important thing to me in the world is maintaining the integrity of this unit. This unit has a very unique structure, though, and the complexity of it threatens the foundation at times. Little did we know over thirteen years ago, Barry and I were no doubt meant to spend the rest of our lives together when we laid eyes on one another in the fall of 1997. The next three years were a difficult on-again/off-again blur, and between myself and my stepson’s mother, four children were born to my husband in 1999 (Kylan, November), 2000 (Briyana, February), and 2001 (Kaleb, February; and Tre, September).

There were bumps and bruises and insults and injury along the road, but all of the misguided, well intentioned mishaps led us to this beautiful place in a life that is full and complete — and happy, a word that at one point neither of us could really identify or define in relation to our state of unity. But, none of the things that happened back then affected the one absolute truth: we were made for one another. If there is one thing I am not going to be apologetic about, it’s having an amazing man in my life that protects me, provides for me, loves me, and whom I know I can trust with my life and I’m sure he would say the same about having a wife that is attentive, understanding, gentle, respectful, and sometimes a bit needy and demanding (lol) who takes care of his house, his children, and him. There are people who despise the fact that we made it through everything together, for one reason or another… but that is not relevant in my life. I have no regrets and no apologies to offer.

Some things are impossible to explain to children in terms they are able to understand, which means they shouldn’t be privy to those things until such time arrives that they do possess the capacity to grasp them fully. Exposing a child to conflicts revolving around concepts that are too mature for them not only confuses them but often leaves them full of anger, disappointment, or even hatred which is unfair at best. When children are born in odd circumstances, which is usually the case with teen parents who are themselves too immature to understand the impact of the decisions they make, it’s important to approach things with sensitivity and work together to figure out what is best for them — not what’s best for the adults they are born to. When children’s lives hang in the balance, their parent’s feelings, pride, or desires don’t matter. It’s about bringing children up with as much love and security and as little tension as possible.

This family consists of my husband, myself, and seven children — my stepson and my husband’s first born as well as the eldest of our children, Kylan who is 11; our first born together and eldest daughter, Briyana who is also 11; my stepson, Kaleb who will be 10 in five days; our only son together, Tre who is 9; and our daughters Talia (8), Avalyn (5), and Zoe (2). I won’t go into all the history from the time they were all born until now. I’m just going to say that it’s important that all seven of these children feel equal, have the opportunity to form a bond with one another, and are not put in the middle of petty squabbles between the adults who care for them. If there is one thing ANYONE who knows me will tell you about me in reference to the children, it’s that even when we were unable to see them, my love for them and acceptance of them in our family was always apparent.

That’s not really what this article is about, though. It’s about family. Any family. All families. My family. Your family. These days, family means so many things — a family that consists of a father and mother who stay together forever and have no children from previous relationships is a rare blessing. Most families these days consist of half-siblings and step-parents, which means there are exes that parents will have to deal with — forever… and who will have to work together in order to do right by their children. I’m not claiming to know how that should be done, but it should start with keeping grown folks business between grown folks and putting aside selfish vendettas and grudges and sacrificing some of your personal comfort in order to ensure that your children’s lives are balanced and unstressful — and safe. It breaks my heart when children are put in conflicting positions because they feel as though they have to choose which parent to be loyal to. No child should feel guilty for (or discouraged from) loving ALL the parents in their lives — biological or not.

That’s all for now. Today’s been a long one, and I hope this post makes sense tomorrow morning.