Are You a Surface Scratcher or a Groundhog?

There is something I’ve been reflecting on for several days. I keep asking myself why I can’t ever be a surface scratcher… why I always have to pick things apart until I feel like I know them inside and out. I’m a very intelligent, vocal, confident person… but there are times those things translate into behaviors that borderline on arrogance; never intentionally of course, but if I’m going to be honest I have to admit that I occasionally find myself convinced that I’ve got “it” all figured out (whatever “it” may be) and as such, I consequently write off the relevance of second and third party perspective. Essentially, what happens when I have “it” all figured out is that I end up looking like an idiot and doing things that later, I will look back and regret.

Being that I communicate best through writing and I am so transparent when sharing my thoughts and feelings, normally anything I think goes straight out into my tweet stream, facebook wall, or here (my blog)… the upside to that is that I always have an outlet for my feelings. I can share what is on my mind and get feedback, encouragement, support, insight, and perspective from my friends online. The downside to that is when those times roll around where I think things to death, dissecting every minute particle of every element of a situation and then posting my immediate “findings” which later turn out to be more like conspiracy theories than conclusions.

On one hand, I appreciate my ability to put things together and tendency to always be driven to state my case completely. This characteristic  is precisely why I am working so hard to get into Law School next year and the reason my mom has always been so confident I will be an excellent attorney but sometimes I go overboard. I go by facts and findings and fail to consider emotions and circumstances, which in a legal situation would be perfect because when we’re out for justice, reasoning is rarely important … psychologists may want to go deep into the criminal mind, but for the sake of proving a case, reasoning matters little beyond presenting motive which often leads to clues. From that point, it’s all about what you KNOW, not what you think or what you feel.

In life, things aren’t so concrete. It’s not about ‘winning’ or proving your case or justifying your actions. It’s not always about being right. When it comes to friendships, it’s not the facts and findings that are important because we’re not fighting for our freedom; we’re fighting for our feelings. It’s the emotions and the circumstances that should be more heavily considered because in matters of relationships, it’s the motive that counts the most. What I fail to realize is that everything isn’t there to be understood in its entirety. The simplest “why” of a mistake is what brings about relief… and forgiveness. I’m coming to realize that despite being so intrigued by the psyche, I rarely actually stop to wonder why someone behaved or responded in a particular manner. Instead, I immediately seek to start proving them wrong. But why? What do I gain by someone close to me being wrong? More importantly, what do I gain by being right? Freedom? No. Friendship? No. If anything, I stand to lose much more by my insistence than I could ever imagine gaining by such a thing.

And lose, I have… simply for the sake of being right.

So, I ask you… are you a surface scratcher or a groundhog? Chances are, we’re all a combination of each… be sure to find the balance because good qualities are often rated so by circumstance. Discerning when to find the core and when to stop at the surface is a tough thing to do sometimes, but if you don’t have sense enough to determine when to exercise a good quality and when to put it to rest, your strong suits may eventually become a hindrance rather than a help… Drilling too deep may leave you creating a situation out of something that simply isn’t there. Sometimes, you just have to take things at face value and accept that there’s nothing more to it than what meets the eye. Consider what is and is not relevant to your relationships or you may find yourself saying or doing things that you can’t take back or undo.