A couple of hours ago, I got into a conversation with Lee {@MySentiment} on Twitter about the MTV show 16 and Pregnant. Of course, that encouraged several branched-off conversations with others on Twitter regarding the show and the message it sends. Everyone seems to have a different reason to love it or hate it and I’m one of the people who falls into the latter category. The show quite frankly disgusts me… it glorifies the experience of teen parenthood, which is the absolute last thing our already confused youth need to see.
Reality TV is (in my opinion) anything BUT real. Much of it is scripted {or at very least, manipulated} for ratings and a majority of the “realness” is destroyed in the editing process. Even most “documentaries” are pointless because in the end people are only going to present what they want others to see and producers just want ratings anyway. The truth gets lost in translation between the two. My main issues with the show 16 and Pregnant revolve around the fact that NO show can grasp and reflect the struggle that comes from having a child too young.
As you all know, I was “16 and Pregnant” and gave birth to mine and my husband’s first child slightly over a month after I turned 17. Over the years, it’s easy to dilute the difficulties we faced, but reflecting on our first couple of years as parents brings all the memories back in a mental flood… and considering the difficulties we still face, it’s easy to attribute most of them directly to being teen parents. Our current situation is a result of a ripple effect that started the day Briyana was born… February 6, 2000 at 10:31am. Everything for the rest of our lives changed immediately.
The flaws in the show involve the generalization of teen parents as well as the portrayal of normality about their situation. A majority of young parents I’ve known are very responsible parents. My whole life has revolved around my kids since Day 1. Of course there are those who just don’t get what being a mother is about, but there are older parents that are the same way. If they are going to do a show like that, I wish they would do one that reflects a couple who is doing it RIGHT… taking the elements of a mistake {and no matter how you try to color it up, it began as a MISTAKE} and working to make the best of a tough situation RESPONSIBLY and TOGETHER. From what I saw of the show, it painted a negative picture of teen parents, but aside from that, we shouldn’t have a show that is painting a POSITIVE picture of teen parenting either. Why encourage it?? There is nothing positive about having kids at 16.
As for my disapproval in regards to the appearance of normality about their situation, their lives didn’t appear all that difficult. It seemed to provide a glimpse that said to me, “just another day in the life…” and most of the kids on the show have TOO MUCH help & make it just fine as a result… That is not realistic. My husband and I had VERY LITTLE to NO help and made it by STRUGGLING. My mom was pretty much the only help we had over the years but there was only so much she could do. It was OUR life… OUR children… OUR responsibility… OUR problems… OUR decisions. No one else should be expected to pay for the decisions we made, so they never did. No one else should be expected or even allowed to take care of our children for us, so they never were.
What do I expect out of a show like that? Well, nothing actually because I would prefer it not exist. But, if it must – I want to see a 16 and Pregnant where the couple lives in a one bedroom trailer with no heat and no phone, co-sleeping with their infant child not because they want to but because there’s nowhere else for the baby to sleep. I want to see one episode where they are unable to FIND friends/family willing to babysit so they can go to school so one of them is forced to drop out to take care of the baby while the other one works full time and goes to school full time until that becomes too much and they drop out too because eating and paying bills takes priority over education at that point.
I want to see the episode which depicts the stress becoming too much and the couple starting to resent one another to the point that they split up and each can’t stand the sight of the other because the blame for all the sacrifices must lie with someone other than oneself. Where are the episodes where the man is working, hustling, and donating plasma to try to support the girlfriend and attempt save money to take care of the baby? That’s what’s missing: THE HARD PART. Being pregnant isn’t hard. Why is the show focusing on a 16 year old’s PREGNANCY? That isn’t the tough issue. I want to see a show that gets into the TRUTH about what happens when you have kids TOO young. Until then, my vote is for NO show at all.
I had one tweeter tell me that the show did a follow up segment where they documented the first year of a few of the cases. My question would be, “When they did the follow up, were they surviving on macaroni and cheese and crackers?” Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches seemed gourmet for us at a point in our lives LOL I’m not saying you can’t like the show. I just don’t. It’s not reality. It’s a stage with actors who happen to be halfway living the life that is on the screen. The same tweeter told me that there was one girl who couldn’t afford diapers or formula… and she was *even* seeing a doctor for depression. RED FLAG: Really? A broke teen mom who can’t afford diapers and formula is seeing a doctor for depression? How could she afford that? Point proven. Unrealistic.
The show is a horrible idea. It tells impressionable young girls that teen sex – and the resulting pregnancy – is acceptable. It’s not. Who ends up suffering in the long run? Everyone… from the government and the families that end up helping to support teen parents to the children that they have to care for. Stop telling our young people that having kids at their ages is normal. It’s not. Am I saying that our children suffered for our decisions in youth? Absolutely. Their lives would have been dramatically different had we been in a better position to care for them from the beginning. It’s hard to get ahead when you started out so far behind. It’s been a decade and we’re still trying to get there… and our kids are still somewhat bearing the brunt of it. Do a show about teen moms – TEN YEARS LATER. That would be more beneficial. Where are we now? Well, quite honestly… not much further along. All dreams were put on hold. All aspirations were postponed. All personal goals were set back…
16 and Pregnant can’t shoot ahead far enough to give the full picture and it doesn’t even do a good job of presenting the immediate facts either. Total fail. Take it off the air… it’s assisting in ruining the ideals of our youth.
Shynea Hunter from PennyPinchingDiva.com also did a post concerning this issue after our conversation on Twitter tonight. Check hers out: STANDING ON MY SOAPBOX: MY OPINION ON MTVs 16 & PREGNANT
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Beautifully spoken. I also think that it is sending a skewed message to our youth. :)
.-= Fiddledeedee´s last blog ..My Space =-.
Well, darn.
LOL.
You said it all and then some. I won’t comment too much because I haven’t been 16 and pregnant and I think you can speak from a much more authentic place than I ever could.
I haven’t seen the show, but I did watch “Teen Mom.” That one to me seemed to be a little more about what you’re talking about. Showing the struggle. But really, even those girls had a lot of support.
But shouldn’t they? If they have people in their lives who are in a position to help, shouldn’t they help them if they can? Otherwise, they will be struggling forever (not to say they can’t eventually graduate, get a high-paying job, etc.) And then what happens? They struggle so much and the kids suffer and then the cycle begins all over again.
As you know, I’m writing a book about young motherhood, including teen motherhood, because I think all we do as a society is talk about teen pregnancy, but then the conversation ends there. Like you said, being pregnant is not the hard part. All being pregnant means is you can’t drink or smoke and your clothes get tighter. That’s pretty much it.
But being a teen (young) mom – they need help. They DO need support. The moms who have parents with four-bedroom houses and offer free babysitting might not really “get it” but I think I would prefer that over looking at your kid 20 years from now and thinking to yourself what could have been if you hadn’t had them.
We shouldn’t make teen parenting look easy, so then those teen girls that come behind them say, “Oh, that doesn’t look so hard.” But do today’s teen moms deserve to “suffer” just so they can walk around as a cautionary tale?
I dunno – it’s early and my brain hurts but for the most part I agree with you. I just want teen pregnancy rates to go down, but part of that is giving support to the teen moms who are here, so their children don’t get caught in the cycle as well. Does that make sense?
.-= Tara´s last blog ..In the air with a three-year-old =-.
It’s hard to do a show like this at all because on one hand, you DO want teen moms to know they CAN do something positive and that life isn’t OVER… but on the other hand you don’t want to send the message to teens who aren’t moms that it’s okay… that life will go on as usual. You don’t want to send those signals, ya know?
It’s such a catch 22, which is why it is SUCH a bad idea. No matter how you go about it, you’re still shooting yourself in the foot trying to figure out how to send a mixed signal that gets through to one demographic without being decrypted by another LOL
Bad idea. Just bad. lol
To answer your question, though – YES, I think teen moms *should* have help. Once that is their situation, there isn’t any sense in it being harder than it has to be, but shows like this provide the expectation that everyone’s families will react this way and that’s not the case a majority of the time. We felt like we SHOULD have had help, but help didn’t come running just because we wanted to be rescued.
I’m like you – I just really HATE seeing young girls fall into this trap. I hate to refer to it as a trap because I LOVE my children. I would not DREAM of changing ANYTHING… but as contradictory as this may sound, if I could have seen into the future back then, I would most definitely have waited.
My kids are here… I could never regret them; could never feel anything negative about having them… because they are my babies and I couldn’t imagine my life without ANY of them. BUT had I known then what I know now, I would have planned things better so that I could have given them a more stable life from the first moment they took a breath rather than having them struggle alongside us as we try to get it right on the backend because it’s not just Barry and I who have had to “go without” all these years – the kids have too.
Those are impossible impressions to make from watching an hour long segment…
Ugh…I’m with ya! I haven’t seen the show (haven’t been to the States in several months), but I used to work with girls in juvenile detention centers. It never failed to shock and sadden me to find out just how many of these girls, ages 10 to 17, actually WANTED to get pregnant as soon as possible! They didn’t ALL want to, but at any given time at least half of the adjudicated girls did. Obviously, this was an issue I wanted to discuss a lot, and we did, but I knew it was usually a losing battle. They had already idealized teen pregnancy and had seen enough other girls go through that they thought they knew what it was like. Unfortunately, they didn’t always get to see the other side of things, as you describe. It’s a sad situation, and for far too many girls, already too late. It’s really troubling that there is now a show on MTV (of course!) that seems to be doing further damage to teen girls’ warped view of this sad reality. What on earth was MTV thinking?!
.-= Heather!´s last blog ..Pic of the Shoot =-.
That is another issue that stems from shows like this – when you have a teen girl who ALREADY wants to have a baby, this show further enforced the false notion that it’s not that difficult… A very dangerous message to send a confused adolescent. Thank you for your feedback!!
Amen! You said what needed to be said and more. The show doesn’t depict “reality” at all. If this is their true “reality” those girls will become pregnant again, because they won’t learn their lesson at all.
Hug and Mocha,
Stesha
You know what, Lady? I posted a comment on another blog about this show and teen moms, and was pretty livid about the whole thing. But I had you in the back of my mind as a mama who became a mom too young, but worked her ass off and held her family together. And I think the reason you did so was because you were honest with yourself then, just like you are being so honest and transparent now. BIG kudos to you for telling it like it is and how hard teen parenting can be.
Teen pregnancy and parenthood is not okay, it is not acceptable, and it should be addressed honestly.
Proud of YOU!
Thank you :) My sentiments exactly. Youth is such a precious thing and just like me, so many young girls take it for granted and don’t realize how much they WANT to be a kid until they can’t anymore. It is so heartbreaking to see so many young girls robbing themselves of the experience of living their OWN life and trading it off too soon to have to live for someone else. I would never change a thing NOW, of course, but I could have not only done more in my own life but had more to offer my kids if I had waited to have them. Shows like this totally miss the mark in trying to get them to understand that.
I don’t care for that show either! You have a great blog btw.
Thank you SOOOO much :) My blog is one of my many passions!