For those who missed the Prayer Blanket I posted on StepInFaith’s “Reflections” blog, check it out… it was definitely heart-felt and totally what is going on with me right now. I’ve let my own missions and ambitions sort of trifle what God is working on through me. I’ve started using the word “I” more than the word “He” in reference to my paths and plans.
Dangerous.
We’re at this place in our lives where we’re looking around thinking, “This isn’t it. This can’t be ‘it’ … there’s more. Something big is coming. There’s a breakthrough in the works. There’s … something … ELSE.” It seems as though we’ve hit this dead end and for some reason, we’ve yet to figure out how to turn around. And, that’s the problem. We’re expecting – in our blindness – to be able to have the sense to turn around rather than trusting God to set us back on a course that leads to somewhere rather than this one… that, well, leads to nowhere.
I think everyone goes through periods like this. At least, I hope we’re not the only ones! {haha} Quite frankly, it sucks. But let me tell you one – well actually like five – things about struggles and going through trials.
Number ONE: You will learn who your true friends are. Okay, let me be REAL about ‘number ONE’ – not only will you learn who your true FRIENDS are, but you will also learn who your real FAMILY is… and quite often, there is no blood relation. {Sad, huh?}
Number TWO: You will learn of any hidden tensions in your household. Stress does that – it brings out ANY issue and puts it on the table because stress creates a need to vent frustration and what better scapegoats than those closest to you whom you know aren’t going anywhere?
Number THREE: You will quickly realize what you’re REALLY made of. Going through fire will reveal just exactly how thick your skin is. How much heat can you take before you fall down and die? Are you a fighter or a quitter? Trials will let you know.
Number FOUR: You’ll recognize your true character. It’s easy to be the good ‘who you are’ when everything is great, but do you become the bad ‘who you are’ when things start to take a turn for the worse? Hmmm… Food for thought, right? One thing conflict will always bring to light is whether you are actually who you are. {Sidenote: Experiencing elevation when you’re accustomed to a ‘plateau’ kind of life will have this same effect; increase brings to light who you really are as well.}
Number FIVE: You’ll be forced to evaluate how strong your faith really is. When it seems like God isn’t listening, do you still trust Him? Do you believe His promises during the wait? You’ll find out – or rather He’ll find out – if you’re faithful because you’re selfish {following Christ in search of personal gain} or if you’re faithful because you believe His Word and respect/appreciate His power!
One Scripture that pretty much EVERYONE has quoted, had quoted TO them, or at least HEARD is James 1:2-3 {hover your mouse over the Scripture reference to view the Scripture text} … I’ve taught on this passage many, many times… I’ve held on to it. I’ve lived it. I’ve even written a chapter in my book about it. Now, I’m wondering how much rejoicing through trials I will do before the development of my perseverence takes place and the production of my steadfastness is complete. That may sound bad, but people… come on, don’t act like you’ve never been frustrated before. You can call it superficial or trivial or whatever you want to call it, but I’m tired on so many levels and I’m just waiting for my breakthrough. Who is it that sings, “In spite all my rage, I’m still just a rat in a cage…”?
Yeah, I know… I’m a ministry leader. I’m not supposed to voice my frustrations or express my weaknesses or reveal my angst or ask my questions. Well, let me tell you something about that… no matter what you are called to be by God, He made you human. As a human, I believe I am entitled to be imperfect, to reach out for encouragement and support when I need it just like I give everyone else when they need it; just like I speak life even when I feel half-dead… So before anyone emails me fussing about how whiney I sound right now, please keep in mind one thing in advance: I don’t really care. Being in ministry doesn’t make me exempt from experiencing the ups and downs of life. And, NEWSFLASH: hiding what I’m thinking and feeling doesn’t change what I’m thinking or feeling; however, expressing it sometimes does. I’m frustrated. I’m blogging it. Period. I’ll feel better when I’m done and as usual, I will probably be blogging something super inspirational by tomorrow. Right now, though… this is what I feel and anything other than “real” just wouldn’t be me.
I just keep telling myself, “HOLD ON… the change is gon’ come.” Then myself replies, “When?”
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