This came from a VERY LONG instant messenger session with a close friend- I simply cut out all her input and turned mine into paragraph form- some very good points in here so I decided to post them here in my journal…
The more you tried to not bring things up, the less he started wanting to talk about things so now that you want to talk things out, he’s gotten ‘comfortable’ with NOT talking about them, so that makes it harder. I can understand why you are having a hard time with your trust issues because there has been a breakdown in y’alls communication. He doesn’t want to talk about things, and you have tried hard to NOT bring up the things y’all have already been through. And now that you have questions about your relationship and how it is NOW, you just simply want reassurance and he just simply wants to move on and not have to seriously TALK about anything- he would rather have things his way and everything be all good. But he doesn’t understand RELATIONSHIPS are not all fun and good… FLINGS are all fun and good. BUT the only advice I can give YOU is that you won’t change how he feels/thinks by what you SAY.
In the Bible, it says a woman’s place is to be SUBMISSIVE and SILENT! You don’t change a person by what you SAY… you change a person by how you live… you are either very patient and wait until the Lord touches them *because all things happen in His time* or you are impatient and don’t wait around. I know it’s hard to trust someone that you don’t see ACTIVELY trying to gain your trust, and some men *MOST men* don’t know how to SHOW you, so they tend to just want you to forgive and forget and move on and never question their behavior again because they want to act like nothing ever happened. They would rather the relationship ‘start over’ and you act like you always did before anything ever happened which is unrealistic for them to desire. HE needs to realize that it’s up to HIM to SHOW you that he won’t ever do it again. The proof is in the pudding… actions speak louder than words! Cuba didn’t wanna HEAR about the money ladies, what did he say? SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!
He can’t expect you to be all fine and good about everything overnight- he should expect there will be times you feel vulnerable. Now what he needs to do is start picking up the Bible with you. You need to get deep in intercessory prayer for him! As much as you can! One of your problems is that you try to believe in him, and you CAN’T. You cannot have faith in another person, period, because human nature is evil- point blank. You can only have faith in what GOD will work in another person because ultimately, GOD is the only being that is worthy of faith so if God isn’t working in him, and he isn’t accepting of the changes that the Lord needs to make in him, ANYTHING is possible because Satan’s favorite tool is temptation and getting at people through their weaknesses. You have GOT to understand that if he isn’t under God’s wing, then he’s under Satan’s. It goes with the parable about the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other… if you aren’t under God’s order, you have got the angel’s mouth duct taped and the devil is on AMP- it gets to where that little devil is the only force you hear…
You have to live your life down the straight and narrow… be an example… and PRAY for him. Other than that, all you can do is be patient and silent and wait, or move on, which I know you don’t wanna do. All the time you’ve been together, you’ve had a lot of patience. How much more do you have? That goes in with eventually having love fade away- you have to wait and see what happens and one day, one of two things will happen… you will wake up and realize that y’all are the happiest you’ve ever been or you will wake up and realize you love him but you aren’t IN LOVE with him anymore, so you will either grow together or grow apart and that’s something only time will tell. But know this: NO ONE has ever gotten to the end of the road without passing over speedbumps and potholes.
If you are still IN LOVE with him, then apparently now is not the time to give up, which I doubt you were even contemplating at this point anyway……… if you are in love with him, it would hurt you more to walk away with all your questions unanswered. And keep in mind- HE HAS NO STRENGTH AS A MAN… his only strength will be as a MAN OF GOD! When a man has a weakness for women… until he receives God in his heart, it’s a REAL problem when you face it alone! When they do things they know they aren’t supposed to, it’s like a drug- almost like an addiction… they know better, and they feel horrible, but they do it anyway… temptation is strong, and lust is REAL and without God to help you, you will sink. That’s why you can’t have faith in what a man will/won’t do… you can only have faith in what God can do in that man. When you are tempted to do wrong, you are also tempted to do right, but you can only go with one or the other. You have to be willing to ACCEPT the Lord’s help and weigh the POSITIVE temptation heavier than the worldly temptation or you will fail every time, BUT if you walk with God…you will want to act like God and do and follow his word… and practice makes perfect. When you get SO used to doing the right thing, eventually it comes as naturally as doing the WRONG thing USED to …. but it takes a NEED and a strong DESIRE to please God… you have to LOVE Him first though, or you won’t have a desire to please Him…..
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